Strong handshakes frighten me. And that’s nothing to do with fearing anyone’s physical strength in itself but rather a fairly sensible mistrust of anyone who’d want to begin an introduction by showing me how physically strong their hand is.
I’ll accept that in a multitude of careers and situations a strong handshake would be a welcome first impression; if we were to be working together on a fishing boat or standing on the doors of a nightclub for example. In short; situations whereby a person’s grip strength may have something to say about their aptitude for the job.
But when you’re a freelance creative meeting an estate agent?
A strong handshake on this occasion can only mean one of three things:
- The shaker is trying to convince me that we’re both real masculine folk of the hardy, hands dirty workforce of the world; which we aren’t.
- The shaker wants me to be aware of his physical power for purely personal reasons; maybe I’ll respect him more if I think he can climb a rope.
- He is of the school whereby a ritualistic activity is given far too much practice and consideration to be natural.
We’re both clearly soft young men of the sort whose regular lives require all the physical prowess of a five year old so I’m always taken aback by the classic “step. Turn shoulder. Shake. Shake. Nod. Step back” approach precisely because of how aware I am that it is something cultivated solely for creating the initial illusion that we are both trustworthy, diligent men who have grown strong through labour.
Which we aren’t.
It’s not the relaxed handshake of a good friend of a friend’s you met in the pub. It’s not the handshake that demonstrates trust between yourself and your girlfriend’s father. It’s the handshake that purports a professional persona that doesn’t quite fit. When the first thing I learn about a person is that every wink, smile and comment is being lifted directly from a company manual, I unsurprisingly trust them less.
It’s quite frankly bizarre to think how unnatural a custom dating back to the 5th century B.C can seem. So much so in fact that people not only read but get paid to write articles and books about how to successfully shake hands with another human being. It should be a pleasant, brief show of trust that all too often becomes dirtied by egotism and bland, corporation prescribed methodology.
In any sane world we wouldn’t need to be told how to shake hands, let alone win at it.
Next Week: How to Win at Shaking Hands.
Will include:
- Analysis of likely opponents.
- Step by step instructions.
- A reference to one of the greatest martial arts films ever made.